whoops, missed a few days again

maybe its all because of memorial day. I had an extra long weekend jam packed full of work and study. Although I'm excited, because the projects and papers I'm working on are the last of the quarter. In Art, we're each making a six-panel book about a person or a character. Each panel will have a picture made out of pieces of color paper that we have to cut. Yes, it sounds fun, and it looks really cool, but it takes a heck-of-a-long time to cut every piece out. I worked nearly seven hours on Sunday making one panel. Of course, there was a lot of TV involved, and only a little bit of eating involved.
Stepping back a day, I spent saturday at the Asian Festival, WAIT performance in the morning that went well, and several hours walking around checking out booths, looking for free stuff, and sitting in the shade watching people play volleyball with their feet. In the evening, I went to a bboy battle on campus that was pretty awesome. We stayed till ten, by which time I was dead tired, which brings me back to the day before.
On Friday, I woke up late, missed my bus, but got to school in time for my english class. By the end, I realized I really wasn't feeling too good, so I went home, staggered into bed, and slept for the rest of the day. Then, predictably, I was up the whole night, and still wasn't feeling terribly good in the morning, which is why I was dead tired by ten o'clock on saturday.
Monday, we had a barbecue with some families at our house, so we had to clean up and stuff. I slept again in the afternoon, then started working more on my Senior Symposium, which I practiced today! And it went great! nah, not really, it went ok. I never take rough drafts too seriously, but I should probably take this presentation a bit more seriously, because the only good final presentation I've ever given was freshmen year. I hereby vow to take the senior symposium as seriously as my schedule and will will allow.

lets see, what has happened recently?...well, i got my drivers licence, I lost the job position I was supposed to get, so I applied at four other places (cross my fingers), and I started working on my senior symposiuummm!!!
So far its going really well. People kept telling me that I should put part of the powerpoint presentation that we gave in DC, but I can't think of where or how to put it in. So so far I just talk. I'm pretty sure I absolutely need some kind of media, so I think I'm going to ask my mentor in DC for a brochure that I designed and leave it at that.

Thats about all thats been going on recently. Sorry it's not much.

so I'm starting to get a tiny bit excited for graduation. As we get closer to June eigth, I a bit anxious, a bit nervous, and yet...I'm graduating soon. Moving on to bigger and scarier things, growing older, becoming part of a new community. It all does seem a bit exciting sometimes. Of course, I know I of all people am not the most prepared for this new phase, but I'll take it as it comes. I have people who I know will help me as they have already, so it won't ever be too difficult for me to handle.

As for my current walkabout, alls well. I'm in a bit of a rut with a project and an essay, but not terribly worried. I hope to get direction today and if not, well, I'll just have to tough it.

I think it's high time I reflected a bit on my past and current walkabout experience.

It surprises me how much I actually gained from my third quarter walkabout in DC. At least once every couple days I notice myself either using something I learned there, thinking about something I was told there, or else just pushing myself forward because of my experience there. My mentors definitely went out of their way to make sure I didn't forget what I was supposed to learn. Well, I would say one did. He would sit in his chair and just talk for half-an-hour about stuff that I needed to do when I got back home and how to do it. The other would drill the stuff he knew into me in ways that I could not describe in writing. Lets just say it was a huge source of aggravation during my time there. But I'm guessing that it was effective none the less.
Whatever the two of them did to me, I would say it has stayed with me pretty well. I think about my experience there all the time, and I often notice how it affects my behaviour, decisions, and mentality.

As for my second walkabout, I don't think I could think of anything that would be better for me. Perhaps I've already said this, but I've never been one to think much about college. It's always been a monster sitting in silence off on the horizon line, growing bigger as I walked towards it, but never saying much. So now I've taken a substantial step towards it, and I realize it's not as bad as I expected. It isn't too different from high school, the biggest difference being that I don't have as personal a connection to people as I did in high-school. I'm definitely going to miss high-school because of that. I already do.

"I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!"

Sometimes when it comes to art, I feel like Mugatu from Zoolander. Honestly, is everyone else seeing something that I'm not? People look at modern "art" and think, 'wow, thats incredible and new and different. I really admire their work,' and I think 'what? Are they five?' So I feel like I'm taking crazy pills or something.
We watched a few documentaries on contemporary artists today, and two out of four were...ok, in my opinion, while the other two were completely and utterly ridiculous...in my opinion. And it's so ridiculous, in my opinion, to listen to people talk so seriously about utter crap (in my opinion).
On the positive side of art, we started talking about our new projects today, and they sound really cool. Basically we're making a book made up of six pictures, each made out of colored paper cutouts. We have to pick a character or a person as a subject, and I think I've decided on Edward Scissorhands. I love Tim Burton's movies, and I think it be super cool to cut out Edward Scissorhand's hair and scissors :P

over the past week or two, i have spent a lot of time thinking about a new job, a drivers license, and a car. All of those things need to happen at the same time, since i cant really have a job without a car (unless if i work in walking distance from home, which isn't happening), i can't have a car without a job, and i can't have a license without a job either, since i'd have to pay for insurance when i get my license. so all of those things are happening very soon, and it's a little bit mind-blowing to imagine how i'll manage to juggle all of those things along with school in such a short time. its a good thing i have a family who help me out a bunch.
but since i've been doing all this, i haven't really been giving much thought to my Graham schoolwork, such as this journaling, and the presentation i'll be giving on graduation day. i've been doing some work trying to get the pictures from my third quarter walkabout, but so far have been unsuccessful. i hope to get a better sense of direction for myself from seminar on Wednesday. I know i'll have enough to talk about in my presentation, but i just don't know where to start...... -_-

I took the SAT's on saturday, as planned, and they did not turn out to be at all like i expected. For starters, the math was a hell of a lot easier then i anticipated. to put it in perspective, out of every math practice question i took prior to the SAT's, i got, ohh, maybe 20% of them right. But on the actual SAT's, i think i got the majority of them right. in each section, i think there was one that i had no idea how to do, but other than those, everything else was pretty simple and straightforward. maybe i was practicing for the wrong SAT test....
as for the reading and grammar stuff, well, you never know how you did on those. probably about 35 or 40% of the questions i was absolutely sure i answered correctly, and then the rest, well, you never know.

Other than the SAT's, i had the busiest weekend i've had in a long time. I guess busy is good, but it can be really tiring at the same time. Plus, after not being in math class or thinking about math for four days, i felt thoroughly unprepared when monday morning came. But its all good, I got a math test tomorrow, an english paper due tomorrow, and an art project due tomorrow, and i think i'm almost ready ^_^

today, i attended the star awards ceremony along with hassan, ebonie, and mark. It was pretty early, had to wake up at 5:45, and honestly, i considered for a second to just not go. only a second though, don't worry. it popped into my head and then disappeared almost before i could identify it. the ceremony was nice, and i suppose it will look better in my college resume or whatever, so i'm grateful. thank you graham school for nominating me for this award, i really appreciate it.

so i missed my math class, since it occured at the same time as the ceremony, but i managed to make it to my english class. we didnt do too much, just learned how to use the online library archives.

so now i'm here in the computer commons, stewing in anxiety over the SAT's tomorrow. i probably already said this, but i think i'm going to do badly in the math portion. i prepared a bit, but i dont think its enough. i would probably have to go through a full quarter of SAT math preparation in order to actually feel prepared and psyched. plus, the prospect of hours upon hours of strenuous test-taking just doesn't appeal to me all that much. omg, i'm scared.

wish me luck! ^_^

ack, haven't posted in a while. well, in all recent news, math is a.....you-know-what again, and english and art are going pretty well. i got aaa...90%, i think, on my last essay, and a 95% on my art project (woohoo). so yea, that seems to be alright. i got good remarks from the teachers and all. so now my second essay is coming along, and it seems to be doing alright so far. my second art project is coming along too, but very slowly and tediously. i see a lot of long hours in my living room in the near future. and math, well, i'm back to an understanding level of perhaps 65%. while everything is pretty straightforward, i'm having trouble piecing all the pieces together so that it all makes complete sense. wish me luck.

in other news, i'm taking the SAT's on saturday, and judging by the studying and the practice tests i've been taking, i'm going to do miserably... luckily, i have plenty of witnesses to tell me that although the SAT's may be tough, they don't determine the rest of your life (phew). anyway, wish me luck with that too.

Things have been going alright with school. Still going steady and all, doing most of my homework, and participating in class. But outside of school has gotten a bit more difficult. I'm not sure what it is, but the past few days have just been taxing on me. It's probably a mixture of family life, anxiety for the present, and anxiety for the future. I've never been good at the whole planning thing. I'd say I've done a pretty good job with school in general up till now. But this whole planning for college thing, where I want to go, how I'm going to pay for it, what I'm going to study, and whether or not its going to take me through life has always been a source of anxiety for me. Ever since I interned at Wonderful! Graffiti, I've felt I want do something in Graphic Design. But even that direction doesn't seem to be enough. Where will I learn what I need to learn, and what about all the competition? What will I do besides make money to support myself and my family? What kind of meaning will my life have?

Anyway, these are just the things that I've been thinking about recently. Schools taking a bit of a back seat in my mind at the moment.

I don't have too much to say about Friday. I only have two classes, and each one ended about half-an-hour-early, so that was cool. I went to my friends house afterwards, and we just enjoyed the rest of our Friday exactly the way we wanted to.

It's Sunday evening now, and I really don't like going to sleep knowing that I'm in for a wake-up-at-six-o'clock-for-eight-hours-of-school-with-little-food day. It's not the best feeling. But, it's just like they say, you gotta keep on.....trucking, or something. Just suck in your stomach and swallow. Just close your eyes and jump. Just pinch your nose and shove it in your mouth, and know that it'll all be over in a week.

Last Wednesday, I took a Math test and turned in an Art project. The math test went really well, and I just found out that I got a 95% on it (woohoo). Plus, the night before I started understanding my homework 100% better. I think I surprised myself most of all when I was able to do all the really really complicated problems. So yea, to sum it all up, math = pretty cool right now.
As for my art project, I ended up completing it at 9:30 the night before. However, arriving in class I found out I did a lot better than the majority of the rest of the students, as they started quickly finishing theirs before class started :P So art project went well. I'm happy with the work I did, and I think my teacher was too. We did critiquing for like, three-and-a-half hours, and I got pretty good reviews. So, Art = awesome

I like the independence of being at Columbus State. I like the fact that I have more responsibility on my shoulders, that I am getting through my classes alright, and most of all, that I'm getting a free college education. So far, my classes are going well. I'm just getting an art project done, I'm halfway through writing the first paper in English, and math...well, math is alright.
I feel a little frustrated in math, seeing as half of it is review for me, and the other half is review for everyone but me. It seems that there are certain parts that I never really got down that everybody else learned thoroughly in math 104 or something. I'm a little bit scared to ask too many questions though. I feel like...I don't want to be the one in the class that stalls the lesson to learn something that everyone else knows. Usually, I'll wait a bit and see if I get it as we go along. Then I'll go home and swear up a storm as I try to understand my homework. If I don't understand it by morning, I'll just ask my teacher to do the problems on the board and pay a heck of a lot more attention than normal.
So all that, coupled with the fact that math feels like one of the most useless subjects to learn so thoroughly, makes the class a bit frustrating. In English, we were asked to write a six-word memoir. I wrote "Took math. Learned math. Now what?".

So, time to update about PSEO. So far, all my classes are going well. I'm keeping up with homework for the most part, and I think I'm doing a pretty good job of participating in class. I think the most difficult part is waking up in the morning. I have to get up at 6:15, and I have to absolutely force myself to get up. It's not easy at all :P

But actually, I'm really happy with the schedule I picked/got. My Mondays, Wednesdays are pretty full, and on Fridays I only have classes till 11:30. Plus, I get Tuesdays and Thursdays I get completely off. So I usually take those days to sleep in, relax, and get my homework done. (Thankfully, contrary to what I heard in PSEO orientation, there isn't two hours of homework for each hour of class)

I've now completed my first week of being a full time Columbus State Community College, and no, it wasn't as bad as I anticipated. Wait, let me correct myself. I didn't expect it to be bad. I was merely anxious, worried that I wouldn't understand a word of college language, and that I would embarrass myself within the first class. But so far, no such thing has happened, and I've survived, and things are definitely not that bad. It feels like high school without the familiarity and friends, but twice as much freedom.

Well, a bit of worry does creep in here and there. For one thing, in math 148, we went over something I've never heard of before in my life, and it seems that most people all know about it. That definitely inspired true panic in me, which made listening all the more difficult. But things quickly got back on track with me, and I made it through the rest of the class alright.
Another thing is keeping up with homework. Certain homework assignments, the teacher doesn't announce, so I'm going to have to get used to looking it up online.

I started classes at CSCC yesterday, which marks the start of my second walkabout. I'm taking Math 148, English 111, and Art 122 for a total of fifteen credit hours.
I have to say, I was extremely nervous, especially the night before. I received plenty of reassurance that college was just like high school. But even so, I was nervous.
I took the COTA bus at 7:00 in the morning, and arrived on campus at 7:30......alright, to make a long story short, each class was pretty good. My teachers all seem like friendly people, and aside from the length of the classes, it does seem very similar to high school. I'm still a little nervous for tomorrow and the rest of the quarter, but I'm a worrier, and I know it, which makes me feel a little better.
One thing I noticed is that the teachers were all friendly, and the students were all stone silent. It's kind of sad. I have a feeling that the teachers are going to get bored/boring.

Oh yea, I have Sally Polk in one of my classes (woohoo)

Today is my last real day of walkabout. I've finished my assignments, and I feel rather accomplished. Overall, I'd say that this walkabout experience wasn't bad. It wasn't exciting, but then again, I never expected it to be. But the whole thing wasn't a boring experience either. It was tedious at times, but I think I gained a lot of useful experience and instruction. Like I said before, this isn't a walkabout I'm going to be leaving behind. It's one that's going to follow me everywhere, and I'm going to have to use the skills I learned here constantly. I have to follow up on projects and start new ones. Of course, with fourth quarter walkabout, it's not going to be easy.

I'm happy to be going home

ugh, staying in the office all day is really difficult. By two o'clock, I start getting really restless, and it gets really hard to concentrate.
In other news, I've been working on a new brochure, which isn't half-bad. It's an interesting process making something like that from scratch. Plus, I get all the help I need for the content, so all in all, making it has been a good experience. Another project I've been working on is editing our presentation to be more suitable for health fairs. That didn't take terribly long though. I've also been making posters. Not designing them, just taking existing ones and attaching them to poster-boards and making them look nice.
I really enjoy these kinds of projects. True, by two o'clock, I start getting really restless, but overall, they have a lot of meaning to me. They're pretty independent, I get to exercise some creativity, but at the same time, I have a goal, I have direction, help where I need it, and a big jug of Arizona real brewed Sweet Tea on my desk. Could I ask for anything else? Oh, and when no one else is in the office, I can play music as well :P.
Walkabout is coming to a close soon, and I'm not really sure what to think of it. It's been a pretty good experience. Not AMAZING, but I've gotten along alright. I've gained experience for sure, and I'm sure that I picked up a few things. I haven't gotten way too bored with life in general either (thank god for movies on youtube).

Yesterday (Sunday) I helped out at an event that one of my mentors had. His mom was coming to DC with about fifty at risk kids from Chicago with an organization called "Imagine Englewood If...". I think their mission is to improve their city/neighborhood, and they advocate for it in different ways. So at our event yesterday we welcomed them, had dinner, and then a few speakers said some words. It was a simple appreciative welcome, and yet it was actually a lot of work. I was dead tired after it was all over.

The whole thing made me think a lot...too much, in fact. While we were cleaning up, I was thinking "is it right that I should be working till 10:30pm on a Sunday? Isn't this MY time?" But, I decided it's better to be someone that can be relied on than to have some extra time on my hands. I figured, if I can keep up this kind of work ethic, in the future, I can be reliable, trusted, and move up in whatever field I'm in (hopefully).

I stayed in the office all day today, which was actually kind of nice. The past two days have been very tiring, so today, I recuperate.
I actually stayed pretty busy. I worked on a PowerPoint presentation for most of the day. My assignment is to take an already existing PowerPoint which is designed for younger kids, and make it a whole lot better. It's not so much about HIV/AIDS as character building, and in my opinion, it wasn't made very well. But I have yet to see how much better I can make it. Right now, I'm working more on the graphics than the actual content. I enjoy that more, and it seems I just couldn't help myself.
The office seemed more alive today...like...300% more alive (rough estimate). Both my mentor and my "second mentor" were in for most of the day. A potential employee also came to check out the office. We got to talk a while, which was nice. Talking to visitors is the most productive slack-time possible.
Plus, I had the best cold pizza I've ever had. I know, thats almost like saying I had the best stomachache ever, but seriously, it was good.

My first presentation went pretty good. It was for high school kids, many of which were the same age as me.
While preparing to give this presentation, I thought a lot about what kind of effect my age would have on my presentation. I figured, either, they would pay more attention and accept what I was saying more because I was their peer, or they would figure that I didn't really know what I was talking about and that they didn't really need to listen. Maybe they would figure out that I didn't know how to keep a class at attention.
But luckily, they were a pretty good class. They were a lot better at paying attention and keeping relatively quiet then some others I've seen, thank god. I don't know what I would have done. Plus, whenever I needed help with information or with getting the classes attention, the teacher and my mentor were always quick with their help.
We had a second presentation right after that one, which I didn't really want to do. But I did half of it, and my mentor did the second half, and it was all good.

I started working on a new PowerPoint presentation. I really felt that the one we were giving had a lot of useless information, and apparently my mentor agreed. He asked me to make one with forty slides, which is surprisingly difficult. I've gotten it down to eighty-nine...

And lastly, more presentations today, coupled with WAIT team performances. We're all surprisingly tired, seeing as we got a full six hours of sleep.

wish us luck

I am currently preparing myself to give my first presentation with WAIF ever. :O It's going to be tomorrow at a school called Ballou High School. I don't exactly feel ready, but I don't think I ever will until I actually give one. But no worries, I'm not extremely nervous or anything. I'll save that for the minutes leading up to the presentation.

Other than that, I haven't doing a whole bunch. I scheduled some presentations, I write reports, make documents and update the website. I long for more direction. But don't worry mentors, I am in the process of doing just that.

Today is my first day back at the office, and so far, I have to say its been alright. Plus, the weather is absolutely beautiful. So its hard for things not to be alright.

I have to say that I really liked that plate of food assignment. It was weird thought at first, and it took some thinking, but it forced me to think about my Walkabout a little bit more, which is good. The more I think about the internship, the more I will be able to recognize opportunities and appreciate the time I spend here.

At this point, I'm starting to realize that this internship is about a lot more than just graduating from high school. My second mentor has a lot of expectations of me, and not just what I accomplish here in the next month, but what I accomplish after I get back home. It feels a little overwhelming right now. I've told myself before that this internship would help me learn skills that would be useful in the future. But I didn't anticipate making a schedule for what I'm going to get done in the next year. My goals for the year were something like:

1. Finish 3rd quarter walkabout.
2. Get good grades during PSEO.

But it looks like I'm not going to get off that easy. I'm going to have to put in and get out a lot more out of this walkabout then what I first thought.

I'm back home now, but only for a week. Its nice to be able to wind down for a bit before going back into the whole walkabout environment. So far, to sum it all up, walkabout has been pretty good. It reminds me a lot of my first semester internship in several ways. The first time I went to Peggy's Monogramming, I dreaded going back a second time. The place was so empty, with just me and my mentor working for several hours. It was quiet, no one really to talk to about random stuff, no laughter really, just working and work conversation.
My walkabout is currently a lot like this. Only, for the whole week. I wake up and go to the office, where there is not much conversation, not much laughter, not much random conversation. Just me and my mentor working on the computers, talking on the phone (work-related conversation) and lunch break (love it). Thats one reason I really value the time I get to go to presentations. Its good to get out of the office.
But just like my first internship, its gotten better. Maybe I just needed to get used to it. Things haven't changed too much, but I'm learning to handle the lifestyle. So its definitely gotten a lot better.

Yesterday (tuesday) I spent most of my day at a school called Banneker High School. We gave four presentations there, for four different classes. It was long, but in my opinion, each presentation was better than the one before.
So I've been here for about two weeks, but I feel its high time that I got ready to give some presentations myself, and apparently my mentor feels the same. And just the night before, my dad calls and says "are you giving presentations yet?" and all I could reply was "uhh, not yet". So the signs are all there, now I just have to prepare thoroughly. I've watched it enough that I know most of the information. The hard part will be letting it all come out smoothly, in the right order, and in my own words. I really hope that the lack of age difference between me and my audience will work in my favor.

Last night, I took the subway to meet some friends at the AMC theater, and we watched a prescreening of Be Kind, Rewind. It was pretty sweet.

On friday I went to help with a presentation given at a school. I'd been to one before, so I thought I new what to expect. But it turned out to be a very different experience from the first one (in case I didn't say this before, the organization I'm working with is a non-profit HIV/AIDS organization. They give presentations to schools and the like.) So anyway, first of all, it was different because this time, my supervisor was giving the presentation. Second, the kids were a very restless bunch, unlike the last school we went to, where every kid kept every hair in line. It was difficult to get through the presentation smoothly, and I think my supervisor got a bit ruffled.
Ok, so we were supposed to give presentations to three classes, but somehow, it was taken down to two classes in the time it took us to drive there. Then, we went overtime, so it was taken down to one presentation, after which we went back to the office.

Later, at lunch, I talked to this guy who works in the same office building, but different department. This guy is from russia, works with incredibly expensive cameras, computers, and equipment in general. I became immensly jealous and then promptly went into mourning for myself, because he happened to be looking for an intern. Well, maybe after high-school, I can check it out.

I left a bit early Friday, and spent the weekend with friends I have in DC. It was great.

February 14

so far, the work has been....here and there. sometimes, i'm just reading material, sometimes, i'm working on their website, calling schools, and sometimes i go help out with presentations that the organization gives.

i think the most difficult part about this walkabout is the monotony. alot of my work is monotonous, and theres no one here to break it. plus, i have never had an internship quite like this. i've worked in a preschool, in a small market, a small wall-graphics company, and an even smaller embroidery company. so in comparison, this place is quite the monster. it has four floors, three of which are offices. it has the typical break room, employees in business suits, and i get my own desk and computer. so i feel a bit out of place, to say the least. plus, a lot is expected of me, with even less guidence. i realize that i'm a senior now, its time to take direction of my own life, and which direction i go in. but i love getting directions. i love it when i'm given a specific task that i know i can accomplish. sure, reading material is chill, but calling schools has an end goal that i can reach. it keeps me busy, and it doesnt drag the hours all over the floor.

working on the website is a very, um interesting mix of direction and non-direction. i have a goal, but the goal is so far off in the distance. i have never made a website before, and my mentor has asked that i create a completely new website for the organization (theirs is crap). so i'm starting from zero, teaching myself as i go. it requires a lot of reading, a lot of scratching my head, and a lot of swearing. but at the same time, at least theres a goal.

i'm interested to know how much i'll have learned by the end. i think i'll learn more then i realize.